RAWRCATZ! vs Buckeyes

Get the Gimp!

So we stand on the threshold of the great unknown. We could tumble deep into the ethereal darkness of 1 - 2 (0-1) and find our paws flailing about in the hopes that we come into contact with something, and the hope that when said contact comes, that what we find is not there to eat us. Or, as RAWRCATZ! and as one, we could step into the light. Yes, the Buckeyes are formidable. They have an arsenal of speed and death that could, at any moment, rip our defense to shreds. But the light, it is so warm. If we really, truly believe that we are the best team in the state of Ohio (and we do) then we must take care of business. The real life version of a killtacular has to start right now. Death and folly be assigned to the Buckeyes.

Death and folly.

Death or glory.



If that doesn't get you amped up to beat the Buckeyes... then you're dead already, and thus, of no use to RAWRCATZ! except for a snack.

Prognosticating: GO!

Strengths:
Actually, they are pretty damn good.
Pryor seems to have fixed that armpunt problem.
Finally got rid of that "Little Animal" character.
Their defense vs. our offense... yikes.

Weaknesses:
Let's face it, they don't see us coming.
Coming down off of the high of running roughshod over Tha U.
RAWRCATZ! are impervious to poisonous nuts.
Brazill with two L's is due.

Prediction:

RAWRCATZ! 27 - Buckeyes 24

There, I said it.

RAWRCATZ! v Toledo

So, you want a MAC game? After the scrimmage against Wofford you have to think that the RAWRCATZ! are ready to curb stomp their way through a Toledo team that is very good at just that, getting curb stomped. Last week Toledo put up the 2 spot on a tough, but decidedly not RAWRCATZian Arizona team. Is it possible that they have enough rocket fuel to power past our mighty green and white clad world beaters?

No. They do not.

I am Mitch Albom.

These lines are important.

Tuesdays With Morrie.

Blows.

Sorry for the shortness of this preview, but this is going to be murder.

ToLOLedo Rockettes

Strengths:

You can only go up... right?
The game is in Ohio, so they are closer to home than in the desert.
Hey, they got that safety last week.
Umm...

Weaknesses:

The offense
The defense
Rufus v a Rockette? Give me some Rufus.

As you can see, we here at RAWRCATZRAWR! don't believe in any hype that the Rockettes were slumping last weekend. We believe that Arizona is pretty overrated and will show that during the Pac 10 schedule. RAWRCATZ!, however, are never overrated. They are the best football team in the state of Ohio, and today is only the beginning.

Toledo, get some.

RAWRCATZ! - 35 Rockettes - 3

Boom goes the dynamite.

RAWRCATZ! vs. Wofford

I feel the picture above to be wholly inclusive of what this weekend's scrimmage against Wofford represents. Either Wofford comes in and puts on a frilly lace collar and we CATZhandle them like the green and white dream machine that we are. Or we get to look at Terrier naughty bits and our season is over before it starts. I could rant and rave about the stupidity of playing FCS teams but I won't. All I'll say is if we win, who cares. If we lose, ALL HOLY HELL THE SHIP IS SINKING, THE SHIP IS SINKING!

RAWRCATZ! should use this as an opportunity to sharpen their claws for when the MAC schedule starts off next week. Ideally, Boo Jackson spends the first half shaking off the rust and doesn't see the field in the second half. Ideally, King Solich death stares half of Wofford's team and you can get 'em all a body bag. Ideally... ehh, who am I kidding? You don't think the season starts this week either.

Alright, onto the prognosticating, because this scrimmage already feels like a fool's errand.

Wofford Strengths:
Who
Gives
Two
Farts?

Weaknesses:
Playing the RAWRCATZ!
No answers for rejuvenated Boo
Peden Stadium doesn't put up with this crap

Seeing as how the starters will probably only play 2 1/2ish quarters, I'm willing to bet that the score doesn't get too out of hand. With that being said, this will be over when Rufus takes the field.

RAWRCATZ! 38 - Wofford 10

Bring on the Rockettes.

I Keep Bumping Into Days, and Waiting For Them to End.

Grad school, amongst other things, has a propensity for sticking daggers through fun. It lingers around corners and screams obscenities at your grandmother. It is not pleasant. If you are thinking of grad school, especially in English lit, I would dissuade you. Mostly because I hate competition, but also because it is a bitch-mother. When I started this blog back midway through last football season I had a plan that started with blogger and ended with world domination. Conquering the blogosphere in the name of RAWRCATZ! would be not only incredibly easy, but the apex of my life. I'm fairly sure that I had dreams where Frank Solich came to me and yelled, not because he was mad, but because he is one loud dude. He told me that my digital endeavor was an honorable one, and that I would one day establish myself in the pantheon of RAWRCATZian heroes. I'm also fairly sure that I was happy.

But then the pressures of my scholastic life intervened. As anyone who has typed in our web address hoping for an in depth look at our incredible MAC tourney run, and the culmination of our mighty RAWRCATZ! hoops force in their drubbing of Georgetown in the NCAA tourney has noticed, we were ominously silent. Fear not, your intrepid blogger took great joy in these moments. But he also had term papers to write, professors to coddle, and a pantheon of literature to overcome. Literature, not fat people or mother-in-laws (oddly enough), is the bane of all existence. And in the long run the weights of academia and the reality that I am not worthy to carry the e-Banner of Athens, forced me to reconsider the future of the site. And the future, it seems, has reached the fate of so many others in Blogfrica, it has come time to say goodbye.

I hope that all the RAWRCATZ! RAWRing across the countryside found a brief home at RAWRCATZRAWR! I know that exposing DeKalb as the post apocalyptic shitpit that it is, and watching Theo Scott make murder of MAC defenses has been the highlight of my e-Life, and will shine radiantly in my memories. And you can be damned sure that when I am filling out apps for my PhD that RAWRCATZRAWR! will be at the top of my list of accomplishments. No, don't look at my thesis, check out this blog I had. Yeah, I knew you'd let me in. It was only a matter of time.

But, my greatest hope is that King Solich would be proud. If he stopped by, on one of those sleepless nights where he is plotting the demise of yet another tasty MAC morsel, if he perused these pages, that he would be entertained. I know he wouldn't smile... Frank never smiles. But I hope that he would look upon the pages contained within and think, just for a second, that he doesn't want to kill me with that steely eyed glare of his. You know, the one that kills nations and Turner Gill's career with a single look. And though I will miss him most of all, I will also miss RAWRjuiceboxRAWR's immaculate photoshoppery (see above). I will miss our legion (read 3) of readers who read these rants, sent their emails, followed us on Twitter, and had words of encouragement. And I will miss having a place where RAWRCATZ! are in a perpetual state of RAWRing. Never have we RAWRed as proudly as we have this season, and I am grateful for the opportunity to have shared in the revelry with you.

So it is with a somber heart, and a hearty sigh, that I say farewell. Wherever you may roam, make sure you are RAWRing!

-RAWR CATZ

Recruiting: An Introduction

This is Seantrel Henderson. He's big. He's bad. He's sad.

"Sad?" you say.

Yes, sad.

This is a picture of him getting kicked out of King Solich's office after begging to be allowed to walk on to the RAWRCATZ! and realizing that he will be forced to go to USC and play for Lane Kifflebits instead.

Poor guy, I wish I could help him. But we are RAWRCATZ! And we help no one.

No, instead we have signed 17 bright and beautiful young cubs who will soon be molded into the carnage unfurling, death dealing RAWRCATZ! that we love and follow. Some highlights, or rather, some lowlights for every other team in the nation, because they didn't get these future MAC champions.

John Prior - OL

Quiz time!

John Prior left Florida State because:

A. Bobby Bowden was forced out and John was incensed by it, transferring to Ohio where he knows King Solich will never die, and never be forced to abdicate his throne.

B. He wanted no part of the proliferation of a gang of cheaters. His classroom record is impeccable.

C. Peden Stadium - 'nuff said bro.

If you answered "D. All of the above." You not only are correct, but you blow my mind for knowing that there was a choice D when I hadn't even typed it yet. Creepy, but mystifying.

Jamaal Tarrant - DL

Jamaal goes by the nickname of "HuggyBear." Not because of the pimp in Starsky n' Hutch, but because he literally hugged a bear. Some bear got all up in his face in downtown Toledo (I know you saw it on CNN) and Jamaal, instead of fighting it, hugged it. It takes a real man to caress and angry bear back from the brink of annihilating one's hometown. It takes an even bigger man to do it while whistling, "Party in the USA."

Kyle Snyder - QB

Kyle Snyder is listed at 6' and 3/4 of an inch. This extra 3/4 of an inch (not lacking of another 1/4, our glass is half full) was added after his verbal commitment to the RAWRCATZ! simply because RAWRCATZ! walk tall, and Kyle had never had perfect posture before.

More of our recruiting highlights will follow in the coming days, but Seantrel will be crying for months. USC is in the ghetto and Athens is a blissful city full of mermaids and gryphons. I'd want to spend 4 years amongst that too.

Post Season RAWRCATZ Brou-ha-ha

Some end of the season loveliness that we missed.

Congrats to the All-MAC RAWRCATZ!

First team:
Placekicker: Fort Knox Money Matt Weller
OLB: Lee Renfro
Kickoff Returner: Chris Garrett

Second Team:
WR: Taylor Price
WR: LaVon Brazill
ILB: Noah Keller
DB: Thad Turner
Punt Returner LaVon Brazill

Third Team:
OL: Joe Flading
OL: Chris Rogers
DL: Ernie Hodge
DB: Gerald Moore

In addition to these some RAWRCATZ! received some national attention:

Freshman All-American 2nd team - Matt Weller (collegefootballnews.com)
Freshman All-American 3rd team - Matt Weller (Phil Steele)
All-American 2nd Team Punt Returner - LaVon Brazill (Sporting News)
Freshman All-American - Gerald Moore (Sporting News)
Honorable Mention All-American - Noah Keller (Sports Illustrated)

And finally, which should come as no shock to anyone, in the world, ever:
Frank Solich - MAC Coach of the Year (Phil Steele)

This Phil Steele guy obviously knows who wears the pants in these parts.

Once again, congrats to all of the RAWRCATZ! who won awards after a fine season. Although, honestly, Noah Keller has 138 tackles and only gets an honorable mention? What's a RAWRCAT gotta do to get some love?

RAWRCATZ vs Marshall, nay, the World

When we first started this endeavor of a blog, it was our sublime hope that RAWRCATZRAWR would become your one stop shop for all your RAWRCATZ! needs. A sort of Meijer full of RAWRCATZ! paraphernalia and babby RAWRCATZ! that you could pick up and play with until they clawed your eyes out. That is our wish, and on the eve of the greatest victory in the long and illustrious history that is RAWRCATZ! football, we proceed.

The Motor City/Little Caesars/ Pizza Pizza Bowl is whatever you want it to be. We choose to believe that it is destiny. Some might say that it is weird that our destiny is financed by $5 pizzas, but if America runs on Dunkin Donuts, then the promised land can be sponsored by a pizza mogul. We're okay with corporations as long as Peden Stadium doesn't turn into Tampax With Wings Stadium. And that day will never come, Frank would never allow it.

Our opponents, the Marshall University Thundering Herd are what a playwright would call a foil, or an antagonist. They'll gallop in from Huntington, West Virgina like a bumbling assortment of carnival freaks, and they'll leave a huddled mass of body bags and broken limbs. This is the RAWRCATZ! way, don't hate us, we can't change, son. We could come up with some clever nicknames for Marshall: The Thunderlolling Herd, The Fighting McConaugheys, The We Would Be Extinct If People Didn't Find Out That We Make Tasty Burgers, But our favorite is the Thundering Nerds (photos, as always, courtesy of RAWRjuiceboxRAWR):

Look at them flee in terror from a rampaging gang of RAWRCATZ! R2D2 doesn't stand a chance, trust me RAWRCATZ! hate droids. Even the giant babby RAWRCATZ! are getting into the action:


Yes, these are the droids we're looking for.

So bring your manga, your Dungeons and Dragons and your Johnny Quest action figures. Bring your Warcraft guild, your level 60 Elven Ranger and your careers in science and math. But most of all bring your football team, because nothing suits the RAWRCATZ! better than finding a team on the brink of annihilation, and pushing them over the edge.

Strengths:
Darius Marshall going over 1000 yards despite not playing in 3 games
Favorable color scheme
Bison are tasty
Chad Pennington to Randy Moss is the most exciting QB/WR tandem in college football

Weaknesses:
Lackluster jerseys
West Virginia sucks
Matthew McConaughey has a rooting interest in your team
Chad Pennington has been dead for 3 years and Randy Moss goes poo poo up in Massachusetts.

Final Weakness: You're playing the RAWRCATZ! I wanted to be cordial, or look at this game through some rose-colored glasses, but seriously. Frank Solich is going to have a field day with your garbage flavored football team.

Cheer Loud and Long for Old Ohio, Cheer Loud and Long for RAWRCATZ!

RAWRCATZ! 34 - Marshall 17

Motown, Marshall and Mad-As-Hell RAWRCATZ!

When the dust settled on the MAC Championship game RAWRCATZ nation wept. We wept not for ourselves, because we are not the team. Let us make an important statement: This blog will never include itself in the matters of the team. We are lucky enough to be fans of a Frank Solich lead football juggernaut. That is all we ask, the ability to watch and cheer.

No, our tears were for these young men who have battled so valiantly in front of our eyes all season. They were for Boo Jackson and all the others who have been wounded along the way. They were for Theo Scott who stands in the fire better than most.

They were not for King Solich, if he knew we were crying we'd all be dead.

For a day we wept. We dried our tears on our sleeves and looked depressingly at our MAC East championship shirts. And then we recovered. In this season of thanks and counted blessings we counted high. We have Frank Solich. We have LaVon Brazill. We have the Marching 110. We have Rufus and Peden Stadium and the greatest jerseys in college football.

So now as the holiday quickly approaches we stand with vertebrae of steel and fistfuls of vigor. For on Saturday we breathe fire once more.

Marshall. Who is Marshall anyways? The Thundering Herd? As laughable a mascot as we here at RAWRCATZRAWR! have ever seen. The mascot of a should be extinct beast.

"We Are Marshall!" should be, "We Are About To Be Destroyed By RAWRCATZ!"

Not even Matthew McConaughey can save you.

This Saturday the Motor City welcomes us back once more, this time with open arms. The RAWRCATZ! juggernaut will not be satiated with tours of Greektown and the MGM Casino. These will not even peek our interest. While Marshall tours The Henry Ford Museum we will be hunting. Lurking in the shadows and stalking with a snarl and a sinister look that scares children and makes nuns poop their pants. This time we leave Motown with the head of the herd in our hands, and the first bowl victory in the school's history.

This time, we come for blood.