BUCKEYE HATE WEEK: Q&A With the Enemy

Taking any opportunity to do so, talking to the enemy can provide us RAWRCATZ! with helpful insight into inner workings of those depraved enough to not be RAWRCATZ! This week we talk with Sam from 11 Warriors, which is probably the only Buckeye blog worth reading. In this Q&A session we see that Sam suffers from serious bouts of "thinking you're really effing cool" and "pretending that most Buckeyes are not sodomites." In the long run these are troubling issues, but both are correctable with some shock therapy. On with the Q&A:

1. What is the worst part about being a Buckeye?

Sometimes the grapes fed to us by the womenfolk of conquered Big Ten teams are a bit on the sour side.

2. What is the best part about being a Buckeye?

There are convenient poop receptacles everywhere you look.

3. How many Pryor Armpunts does it take for Old Ohio to merc the Bucks in Columbus?

Over 9000

4. If RAWRCATZ! are RAWRing, what are Buckeyes doing?

Emphasizing the "THE" in THE Ohio State University in a decades-old pissing contest we can't get over winning. SUCK IT, COCKBAGS

5. How afraid of Frank Solich are you?

Is this before or after he gets behind the wheel whilst hammered?

6. Assume that the Buckeyes are Motecuhzoma, and the RAWRCATZ! are

Hernán Cortés, what would your strategy be for not being blinked from existence?

Sacrificing 11 dingo dogs and farting the tune of Good Vibrations on the president of New Guinea in a sacred ritual that summons the God-beast Sweatzalcoatl, known to most around these parts as James "Jim" Jonathan J. "J-Dawg" Tressel

7. LaVon Brazill is awesome. What say you?

I say LaVon is a chick's name. Or is that LaVonda? Is that racist?

8. Honestly, who wins in a street fight, The Marching 110 or The Best Damn Band in the Land?

As you may already know, everyone from Columbus knows how to throw down. Even old ladies. In the end, I envision sousaphones poking out of Green and White-clad rectums. [Ed. Note: RAWRCATZ! rectums are proudly Green and White. Such a noble color scheme when used correctly.]

9. Finally, a humble prediction?

THE Ohio State University Buckeyes - a googolplex

Ohio University Schmohawks - negative 73

While they are clearly deranged, it is important that we treat our Ohio neighbors with a touch of humility this weekend. I mean, you would be deranged too if you were constantly told you were only the second best football team in Ohio.

BUCKEYE HATE WEEK!

Did something happen this weekend? No, didn't think so. In fact, I'd like to think that this weekend merely existed so that we could remember the events of September 11th. Instead, the weekend served to remind us that even RAWRCATZ! are not invincible. In fact, they are quite vulnerable to the lamest of attacks. The Rockettes, with their V-2 barrage, were able to sustain an attack that while not as devastating to the streets of Athens as Nazi Germany was to London, unlike the Londoners, our RAWRCATZ! offensive could not defeat the terror weapons of Toledo.

But we can't linger on the past. We have work to do, son.

Coming soon to a horseshoe near you: RAWRCATZ!

Let's get some basic items out of the way first.

1. RAWRCATZ! do not hate the Buckeyes as much as they do the lowly Redhawks. In fact, we just think they're smelly.

2. Rufus, owns Brutus (more on this throughout the week).

3. The Marching 110, while not as well-known or poop flavored as the Best Damn Band in the Land, can throw down with the best of them.



And that's the perfect segue for this week. The Uprising is upon us.

This week the RAWRCATZ! toss aside the losses of yesterweekend and yesteryear. This week we show the greater Columbus area that Athens is a town to be reckoned with. This week we go RAWRing.

Enough of this Buckeye State garbage. It is time for a state of RAWRCATZ!

WOFFORD HATE WEEK: Wait... Wofford Hate Week?

Like many of you I look at Wofford on the schedule and immediately let my gaze trend southward to the next game, the bumbling Rockettes of Toledo. I mean, honestly, why do I give two poops about the mighty Terriers? We are, after all, RAWRCATZ! And no amount of terriering will ever scare a RAWRCATZ! emissary. Especially in the friendly confines of Peden Stadium. However, my humility, which my mom has told me is a great quality, tells me that we must treat all opponents equally. Never mind that I've been ramping up for Buckeye Hate Week for months, Wofford comes first on our schedule, thus is the first step towards a MAC East crown. With this in mind, I tried to dig up some dirt on Wofford College, and draw a true opinion of Wofford from there.

For one, Wofford has a history, albeit a slight one, with football. Legendary Air Force Academy coach Fisher DeBerry is an alum. He was an assistant coach at Wofford for two years, before moving on to Appalachian State and finally Air Force.

Nope, Fisher DeBerry seems like a stand-up kind of guy. No reason to hate them yet.

Also, the owner of the Carolina Panthers, Jerry Richardson, played for Wofford and in the NFL before making some sound business decisions that allowed him to bring the NFL to his home state of North Carolina.

Again, no reason for hatred. So we move on.

Wofford College is considered an arboretum with its lush and natural plant life and is a member of the American Association of Botanical Gardens and Arboreta. There is nothing that RAWRCATZ! like more than wilderness. So I've got nothing so far.

Finally RAWRCATZRAWR! looked at Wofford's US News rankings and found... well some disturbing trends.

Average in state tuition for RAWRCATZ! U? $9,537
Average tuition for Wofford? $31,710

So these smug looking, snobby, East Coast dudes think that they are going to march into the Midwest and show us how to get dirty? Let me tell you something Wofford. RAWRCATZ! invented dirty. We eat, breathe and sleep dirty. You see a RAWRCATZ! who is not dirty, that means he just took a shower because he was covered in Terrier entrails. We will see you in the hollowed halls of Athens on Saturday you uppity punks, and you can bet that Rufus and a gang of 100 snarling RAWRCATZ! will be there to kick you all the way back to where the water is salty and where "men" own "yachts." You want class strife? RAWRCATZ! can bring the strife all damn day. Peden will be covered in your blood and the wind will pick up fractured puppy limbs for months to come.

Fire Down Below: A Mt. Pleasant Story

Central Michigan University is located in the most ironically named city in the world. Mt. Pleasant. If you've ever been there you will know that it is neither a Mount, nor pleasant. In fact, it is shitty. They've got a cool liquor store, and a La Seniorita's, but that's about it. And while we here at RAWRCATZRAWR! would much rather spend the night in Mt. Pleasant over Kalamazoo (just so we can weigh in on that debate) the town smells like port-a-potty and we don't like it.

But, perhaps we as RAWRCATZ! are blinded to the jewels of other cities. After all, we hail from Athens. A city of light, and culture, and RAWRing. Athens is about as blissful a city as one can come across.
Look at that sky? Beautiful. Athens has it all, and by all, we mean Frank Solich. Frank makes everything wonderful. He also leads RAWRCATZ! to victory. Friday will be no different. RAWRCATZRAWR! wants to make it perfectly clear, we aren't expecting annihilation. Although after the Temple game it looks like it is possible, we are simply rooting for a thrilling football game that concludes with the RAWRCATZ! marching triumphantly across the fieldturf clothed surface of Ford Field.

This one is for Athens, it is for RAWRCATZ! and it is for the death of the Chippewa dynasty.

RAWRCATZRAWR! says let's start the Solich Dynasty, and let it reign for a thousand years.

CHIPPEWA HATE WEEK!

That's right Chips, you like you some RAWRCATZ! jizzum on your salty snacks. Extra protein.

*this and all other photoshop genius provided by loyal reader, and mighty RAWRer, RAWRjuiceboxRAWR*

If we were a Chippewa, and thank Solich we are not, we would be shivering in our timbers. Because come Friday night there will be nothing left to be chippy about. The Chips have a LeFevour, and he is mighty, but the RAWRCATZ! are the perfect prescription. (no, not cowbell).

Fire up? I think not.

Ooh - Ahh, it's great to be a Chippewa? Think again.

RAWRCATZ!

Temple preview remains below or: here.

7 - 0 This fumble better get overturned.

RAWRCATZRAWR!

Husky Hate Week: Day 4

Tonight the RAWRCATZ! sleep the slumber of titans. In their dens and caves and dorm rooms they dream of things innocent and gallant. What do our humble yet stoic RAWRCATZ! dream about? What images do future MAC East champions conjure while situated within the arms of sleep? Let us postulate.

Theo Scott dreams of throwing touchdowns. And not just easy touchdowns. Big play, precision bombs like laser-guided missiles that put points on the board and weaken the resolve of a relatively stout Husky defense.

LaVon Brazill sleeps silently but in his head dance fascinations of glorious effort and many receptions. In his mind the ball floats effortlessly over the hands of outstretched defenders and he cradles it with his arms and his soul. He crosses the goal line with no one around and casually flips the ball to the referee before being danced about by the multitudes of beautiful lady RAWRCATZ!

Matt Weller doesn't dream, he doesn't have to. He is the dream.

Chris Garrett takes the hand off and breaks instantly into the open. He trucks a husky (the dog, not the player) that has wandered aimlessly onto the field. It is mortally wounded but Chris shows no remorse. That pup should have known to stumble into his path. He pounds his chest, the universal symbol of one who is victorious, and spits an epithet of annihilation into the sky.

Taylor Price wakes up in a cave. He reaches in the darkness for anything he can grasp, but there is nothing. In the distance is a light. He rises and steers himself in that direction. He is cautious, but unafraid. As he nears the light a deafening roar fills his ears and he runs towards it with great anticipation. The lights of Peden Stadium welcome him with their warmth and as he burst through the RAWRCATZ! head he knows that Saturday will be a day he shall remember. This wasn't a dream. It really happened.

Go forth RAWRCATZ! Go forth and make war.

Husky Hate Week: Day 2

If you missed our introduction to Husky Hate Week see below or click here.

Moving on, as you know RAWRCATZRAWR! is dedicated towards bringing you the straight facts on the enemies of the divine RAWRCATZ! This week is no different. With that in mind we would like to spend some time elaborating on the lesser points of this week's opponent: Northern Illinois University.

1. They breed their huskies in puppy mills.

Just like the University of Connecticut and the University of Maryland Baltimore County, Northern Illinois University has a dog for a mascot. But unlike these and several other fine canine centric teams, NIU has an extensive puppy breeding program with which they raise their elegant, but ultimately flea riddled mascots.

Look at this people. DOGS IN CRATES. Dogs are one of the earth's most majestic and loyal creatures. At no point is a dog ever supposed to be stuffed in a crate. Except for pugs because they are stupid and breathe like they have emphysema. But all other dogs are to be kept out of crates at all time. They aren't cattle folks. Cattle are delicious and should be treated as thus. Dogs, however, are not delicious and should never be eaten or treated in this fashion. Someone get PETA over to DeKalb right away.

2. NIU are a band of gypsies.

After the Chernobyl fiasco forced their relocation from DeKalb, the board of directors over at NIU decided that instead of spending millions of dollars on a new campus, they would set up shop wherever they pleased. Now I know what you're thinking, Brad Pitt played a gypsy in Snatch, and that movie was awesome. But we're not talking bare knuckle boxing, alcohol swilling gypsies full of awesomeness. Regular gypsies kick ass. These are faux-gypsies, and they missed the boat on what the gypsy lifestyle is all about. Come to think of it, they are to gypsies what Cher is to gypsies. An abomination. Then again, Cher is an abomination in any scenario.


3. NIU was built on an Indian burial ground

NIU's first president, who's name is completely forgettable and insignificant, was quite the bigot. After the board of trustees was created to pave the way for the new establishment, this man, whoever he was, went on a tour, asking the local Indian population of their most sacred spots. The one that they pointed out the most was a sacred burial ground where their most honored warrior chiefs were buried. This guy, who is not mentioned because his descendants have connections, built is residence on that very site. Ever since then NIU has been condemned to mediocrity. I mean, their football team has 1 MAC title ever, and this is the school that produced Garrett Wolfe and Michael Turner. How do you not win the MAC with Michael Turner? Answer: Your school is built on an Indian burial ground. That's the kind of karma you don't want to mess with.

As we have illustrated Northern Illinois University is a total and thorough abomination of an institution. The fact that they are allowed to grant degrees is appalling. However, their football team will prove to be quite a test for our RAWRCATZ! Hopefully the Honorable Coach Solich will take these facts, and use them as motivation. For this surely is a fight of good vs. evil.

RAWRCATZ! are always GOOD and never EVIL.

Husky Hate Week

This week the RAWRCATZ! play the loathsome Huskies of Northern Illinois University. Which is in DeKalb, Illinois. If you are not familiar with DeKalb it looks something like this:


Down on the bottom right you can see the campus of Northern Illinois University. Sadly the original campus was deserted after the nearby Chernobyl nuclear disaster of 1986 contaminated much of the area with high levels of toxic radiation. DeKalb has never recovered, although it is reported that stalks of corn the size of sequoias grow near the teams former football practice facility. These stalks of corn could end the world hunger crisis and spur on a golden age of agricultural renaissance. Unfortunately, nuclear corn tastes like crap.

Since the disaster has rendered the city unsafe for human habitation the university was forced to close its ancestral doors and relocate. Instead of setting up at a new, more expansive and desirous location, they decided to become a nomadic campus. Much like a virus they'll latch onto a city or town, using up all of their natural resources and consuming all of the tastiness at the local KFC, until the city dies a horrible death. Here is a picture of the last town that they "relocated" to.


That used to be a charming outdoor garden. Not anymore. Rumor has it that these Huskies have set their eyes on fair Athens. THIS SHALL NOT COME TO PASS! The RAWRCATZ! are well aware of their nefarious schemes, and will use every tactical and schematic advantage in an effort to expel the visitors from our city streets paved with gold. Athens, by the name of Solich, shall not, must not fall.

So remember fair citizens of Athens and RAWRCATZ! alike. This weekend when you see a husky in your midst, he is not there as a friend. He and/or she is there on a recon mission. They are looking for what stores to swallow up, where they can get the newest Jonas Brother's bootlegs and most importantly who's homes they want to steal.

Stand tall RAWRCATZ! Stand tall.