Sunday, February 7, 2010

Recruiting: An Introduction

This is Seantrel Henderson. He's big. He's bad. He's sad.

"Sad?" you say.

Yes, sad.

This is a picture of him getting kicked out of King Solich's office after begging to be allowed to walk on to the RAWRCATZ! and realizing that he will be forced to go to USC and play for Lane Kifflebits instead.

Poor guy, I wish I could help him. But we are RAWRCATZ! And we help no one.

No, instead we have signed 17 bright and beautiful young cubs who will soon be molded into the carnage unfurling, death dealing RAWRCATZ! that we love and follow. Some highlights, or rather, some lowlights for every other team in the nation, because they didn't get these future MAC champions.

John Prior - OL

Quiz time!

John Prior left Florida State because:

A. Bobby Bowden was forced out and John was incensed by it, transferring to Ohio where he knows King Solich will never die, and never be forced to abdicate his throne.

B. He wanted no part of the proliferation of a gang of cheaters. His classroom record is impeccable.

C. Peden Stadium - 'nuff said bro.

If you answered "D. All of the above." You not only are correct, but you blow my mind for knowing that there was a choice D when I hadn't even typed it yet. Creepy, but mystifying.

Jamaal Tarrant - DL

Jamaal goes by the nickname of "HuggyBear." Not because of the pimp in Starsky n' Hutch, but because he literally hugged a bear. Some bear got all up in his face in downtown Toledo (I know you saw it on CNN) and Jamaal, instead of fighting it, hugged it. It takes a real man to caress and angry bear back from the brink of annihilating one's hometown. It takes an even bigger man to do it while whistling, "Party in the USA."

Kyle Snyder - QB

Kyle Snyder is listed at 6' and 3/4 of an inch. This extra 3/4 of an inch (not lacking of another 1/4, our glass is half full) was added after his verbal commitment to the RAWRCATZ! simply because RAWRCATZ! walk tall, and Kyle had never had perfect posture before.

More of our recruiting highlights will follow in the coming days, but Seantrel will be crying for months. USC is in the ghetto and Athens is a blissful city full of mermaids and gryphons. I'd want to spend 4 years amongst that too.