Wednesday, December 30, 2009

RAWRCATZ takes on: Mike Leach

This offseason RAWRCATZRAWR will dabble with a few ideas of how to entertain you with a complete dearth in RAWRCATZ! news. This is the first of those campaigns: RAWRCATZ takes on. Here you will get a take on news outside of Athens, which is never quite as glorious, but might be of interest to those of you in RAWRCATZ! Nation.

Mike Leach... where are you now oh Pirate captain? That was a rhetorical question, don't feel like you have to answer it. The news coming out of Lubbock, which I've heard is a dust bowl mixed with turds, is that Mike Leach locked noted saint Craig James's kid in an electrical closet for refusing to practice with a concussion. RAWRCATZRAWR has no clue if these allegations are true. But, for the purpose of this piece, we are going to assume that they are.

Mike Leach loves himself some pirates. We've known this from day one. He has Blackbeard in his veins and Davey Jones's locker in his bedroom. But being a pirate comes with some responsibilities. For one, you cannot show your swarthiness to your athletes on a regular basis. You're already known for a cavalier offensive scheme that swashbuckles its way up and down collegiate fields, that's more than enough. There's no need to go rogue on a player (especially one with a famous dad who has a media soapbox at his ready) and throw him in a closet. Especially not one with a concussion. Now we here at RAWRCATZRAWR don't read all that much. For example here's a list of books that we've read in the last 6 months:

Shel Silverstein - Where the Sidewalk Ends (just looked at the pictures)

Dan Brown - The Lost Symbol (too many big words)

Bobby Flay - Boy Meets Grill (RAWRCATZ! love flesh)

That's it. So you can't expect us to be experts on concussions or post-concussion difficulties. But we do know that ex-NHLer Pat LaFontaine, who is the greatest American born hockey player of all time (eat it Mike Modano) was forced to retire early because of concussions. And just like you can't keep the RAWRCATZ! from winning the MAC East again in 2010, you can't keep Pat LaFontaine off the ice for anything but the most important of reasons. We'll put our trust in science in this one; concussions are bad.

So that makes Cap'n Leach's treatment of Adam James even more egregious. Concussions are not to be messed with, and that is probably why as I was writing this Mike Leach was forced to walk the plank at Texas Tech.

So goodbye Mike Leach, hopefully you don't wind up in the MAC. RAWRCATZRAWR would like to see him land at an MWC school that wants to get serious about beating up TCU and BYU.

Also, goodbye to Texas Tech, because you've just fired the only coach who ever took you anywhere and you'll never be relevant again. Guns Up!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

RAWRCATZ RAWRcap: Marshall

Stabbed in the back by the daggers of Loki we stumble home like a ragged hoard of punch-drunk vagrants. We, the destined RAWRCATZ! fall prey to the mightiest of pranksters, and find that magical first bowl win eludes us once more. The theory now becomes: The first bowl victory is the toughest, but after the first they come whenever called. USC got their 32nd bowl victory yesterday. I figure we can match that in the next 35 years. A legacy is hard to build, but once you lay that first layer of Legos the rest comes easy.


The offense has looked brilliant in spots all year, but this sort of output was unforeseen. 12 yards rushing? Marshall's defense looked fast and effortless for much of the night. Kudos to an outgoing coaching staff for putting in the time to stifle the might RAWRCATZIAN attack.

Penalties make me want to take a nail gun to my sternum. Just brutal.

Now we turn to the recruiting trail where hopefully this year's success will produce the next batch of MAC East champion RAWRCATZ!

Chances of Oregon not beating OSU by more than Marshall beat us? Slim. We'll still be the best team in all of Ohio.

And now, to stop the bleeding - A musical interlude:

Big Business - Ayes Have It

Goddammit, it's not how we planned it.

Friday, December 25, 2009

RAWRCATZ vs Marshall, nay, the World

When we first started this endeavor of a blog, it was our sublime hope that RAWRCATZRAWR would become your one stop shop for all your RAWRCATZ! needs. A sort of Meijer full of RAWRCATZ! paraphernalia and babby RAWRCATZ! that you could pick up and play with until they clawed your eyes out. That is our wish, and on the eve of the greatest victory in the long and illustrious history that is RAWRCATZ! football, we proceed.

The Motor City/Little Caesars/ Pizza Pizza Bowl is whatever you want it to be. We choose to believe that it is destiny. Some might say that it is weird that our destiny is financed by $5 pizzas, but if America runs on Dunkin Donuts, then the promised land can be sponsored by a pizza mogul. We're okay with corporations as long as Peden Stadium doesn't turn into Tampax With Wings Stadium. And that day will never come, Frank would never allow it.

Our opponents, the Marshall University Thundering Herd are what a playwright would call a foil, or an antagonist. They'll gallop in from Huntington, West Virgina like a bumbling assortment of carnival freaks, and they'll leave a huddled mass of body bags and broken limbs. This is the RAWRCATZ! way, don't hate us, we can't change, son. We could come up with some clever nicknames for Marshall: The Thunderlolling Herd, The Fighting McConaugheys, The We Would Be Extinct If People Didn't Find Out That We Make Tasty Burgers, But our favorite is the Thundering Nerds (photos, as always, courtesy of RAWRjuiceboxRAWR):

Look at them flee in terror from a rampaging gang of RAWRCATZ! R2D2 doesn't stand a chance, trust me RAWRCATZ! hate droids. Even the giant babby RAWRCATZ! are getting into the action:

Yes, these are the droids we're looking for.

So bring your manga, your Dungeons and Dragons and your Johnny Quest action figures. Bring your Warcraft guild, your level 60 Elven Ranger and your careers in science and math. But most of all bring your football team, because nothing suits the RAWRCATZ! better than finding a team on the brink of annihilation, and pushing them over the edge.

Darius Marshall going over 1000 yards despite not playing in 3 games
Favorable color scheme
Bison are tasty
Chad Pennington to Randy Moss is the most exciting QB/WR tandem in college football

Lackluster jerseys
West Virginia sucks
Matthew McConaughey has a rooting interest in your team
Chad Pennington has been dead for 3 years and Randy Moss goes poo poo up in Massachusetts.

Final Weakness: You're playing the RAWRCATZ! I wanted to be cordial, or look at this game through some rose-colored glasses, but seriously. Frank Solich is going to have a field day with your garbage flavored football team.

Cheer Loud and Long for Old Ohio, Cheer Loud and Long for RAWRCATZ!

RAWRCATZ! 34 - Marshall 17

Monday, December 21, 2009

Motown, Marshall and Mad-As-Hell RAWRCATZ!

When the dust settled on the MAC Championship game RAWRCATZ nation wept. We wept not for ourselves, because we are not the team. Let us make an important statement: This blog will never include itself in the matters of the team. We are lucky enough to be fans of a Frank Solich lead football juggernaut. That is all we ask, the ability to watch and cheer.

No, our tears were for these young men who have battled so valiantly in front of our eyes all season. They were for Boo Jackson and all the others who have been wounded along the way. They were for Theo Scott who stands in the fire better than most.

They were not for King Solich, if he knew we were crying we'd all be dead.

For a day we wept. We dried our tears on our sleeves and looked depressingly at our MAC East championship shirts. And then we recovered. In this season of thanks and counted blessings we counted high. We have Frank Solich. We have LaVon Brazill. We have the Marching 110. We have Rufus and Peden Stadium and the greatest jerseys in college football.

So now as the holiday quickly approaches we stand with vertebrae of steel and fistfuls of vigor. For on Saturday we breathe fire once more.

Marshall. Who is Marshall anyways? The Thundering Herd? As laughable a mascot as we here at RAWRCATZRAWR! have ever seen. The mascot of a should be extinct beast.

"We Are Marshall!" should be, "We Are About To Be Destroyed By RAWRCATZ!"

Not even Matthew McConaughey can save you.

This Saturday the Motor City welcomes us back once more, this time with open arms. The RAWRCATZ! juggernaut will not be satiated with tours of Greektown and the MGM Casino. These will not even peek our interest. While Marshall tours The Henry Ford Museum we will be hunting. Lurking in the shadows and stalking with a snarl and a sinister look that scares children and makes nuns poop their pants. This time we leave Motown with the head of the herd in our hands, and the first bowl victory in the school's history.

This time, we come for blood.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Frank Will Play His Game Beneath The Spin Light

"If looks could really kill, then my profession would be staring." Jesse Lacey sings it, but Frank Solich personifies it...

Look at those eyes, two vacuous black holes of carnage. When The Man stares beings die, and no one is exempt from his scorn. Even RAWRCATZ! faithful should be terrified of the wrath of King Solich. Thankfully he does not turn his gaze of annihilation our way.

Here's a list of just some of the things that Frank Solich has killed with his eyes:

New Coke
Charlton Heston
Tara Reid's career
Bikini Atoll
The edible part of the Donner Party
Princess Diana...

Dresden, Germany
Boba Fett
QPR's chances of ever being promoted to the EPL
Rock Hudson's heterosexuality
The Predator in Predator 2
(If you really think that Danny Glover is capable of killing a Predator then you are out of your mind)

Soon added to the list: Marshall.


Friday, December 11, 2009

Readers of RAWRCATZ! We Need Your Help

Hello, mighty fans of the RAWRCATZ! We here at RAWRCATZRAWR are nothing if not for the fans. The tens of you who visit us every week are our lifeblood, and we would a whimpering mess of deranged transient if you didn't stop by every once in a while. So in keeping that firmly planted in our minds, we would love to hear your feedback.

We have a few things planned for the off season, as well as a grimy and gritty bowl preview coming up, but what do you want to see? Do you want to see in depth recruiting coverage? Do you want to see profiles of your favorite stars? Do you want us to rip-off other blogs cool features and recreate them crappily here? We are clearly not above ripping off better blogs to bring you the best RAWCATZ! content you could possibly imagine.

So what do you have for us? The fans are the reason we have put this humble blog together. And while it is still in its infancy we would love for your input. Do you want to see more of the Marching 110? More Rufus? We are open to suggestions, and are looking for your input. So please contact us and let us know how we can run a better blog. The best football team in the state of Ohio demands a better product. Help us put it out there.

Contact us in the comments, or at and give us the direction needed to keep RAWRCATZRAWR! on the cutting edge of blogfrica.

Monday, December 7, 2009

RAWRcap Looks To The Future

And so, it is with great honor that we accept an invitation to make a return trip to Detroit. The jewel of the Midwest shines brightly before our RAWRCATZian eyes, blinding us with its luster. We take on the Marshall Thunderlolling Herd, and we will beat them. We will stand triumphant on their carcass and let Rufus beat them with his meaty paws.

Not to dwell on past transgressions, but one thing to bring up from Friday's game. Did anyone catch Butch Jones's halftime interview? Rufus just rocketed up the cool scale. The only way he could have been any cooler is if he had given him a dutch rub and taken his hat.

In the following weeks you'll see some new types of content here on RAWRCATZRAWR. We are a new blog, so we'll be working out the kinks a bit. Any suggestions for content can be left in comments section, or emailed to us. We plan on taking a look at recruiting already, but outside of that we're in the dark.

Sidenote: Today is the last day of my semester, so with grad school quieting down for a month I'll be posting some seasonal panoramas of what was 2009, and what lies ahead.

As always, keep RAWRING!

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Wounding

I had a dream. Fort Knox Money, recovering from a disastrous output against Temple drives home a 43 yard field goal with no time left. Gatorade is spilled on King Solich and the perpetrators instantly regret it. Theo Scott climbs into the stands to hug his mother. Like they do in Europe the players trade jerseys. LaVon Brazill gets LeFevours and waves it in the air like he just don't care. It is unfortunate, the lives we lose while dedicating them to sports. My heart beats about 39 beats per minute slower this night. What once was bold and glorious is now a little less luminous. We'll cover it with tinsel in the coming months and tell people it is just as good, but we'll know.

On the flip side we have reason to smile. The RAWRCATZ! made it to the MAC Championship for the 2 time in 4 years. They played their hearts out and as fans and observers we should thank them. Every year under Frank Solich is a year that we should be thankful for. To think of the years we spent lost in the forest before his arrival is to shiver with an everlasting chill in our hearts. So now we will heal, we will move on, and we will await our sacred bowl game where once again our RAWRCATZ! can go RAWRing. It was beautiful and brilliant and I'll miss the warmth it gave me. But memories, like Frank Solich, never die.

Thank you RAWRCATZ! With one more game to go we can already say: It has been a season to remember.

RAWRCATZ vs Central Michigan

Bobcats are beautiful, noble creatures. They are one of the few big cats unique to North America, where they control a vast domain that stretches from Central Mexico to the upper reaches of British Columbia. And right in the middle of this, for a small stretch in the Appalachian foothills north of the Ohio River, these magnificent creatures hold court in Ohio.

Tonight, for the second time in 4 seasons, our Bobcats will play for the MAC title. This is truly one of the great turnarounds in college football history... I do not have to tell anyone who followed this team through the Brian Knorr era what a massive change Solich has brought to us. In some sense, this game is meaningless. If we lose, we go to our second bowl game in the past 40 years. Butch Jones will leave Central Michigan for some middling BCS school and we'll still be poised to contend in the MAC for years.

But, we cannot allow that feeling to prevail. Our RAWRCATZ have not tasted conference title glory in 41 years. Well before I, and I suspect most of you reading this, were born. Winning tonight would be an important step forward, not just for the team but for the program. I'm tired of going to Peden and seeing people clad in their Scarlet and Gray. There is no reason that we can't do what Cincinnati has done and throw off the shackles of being considered a second class program in our own fanbase. Solich is the man to bring us there, and a win tonight would greatly accelerate the process.

I'm not going to talk about "facts" or "stats" or "injuries". The truth is, they don't mean much. We come into tonight's game 13 point underdogs with two of our best players supposedly "questionable". We face off with a team with a dark horse Heisman candidate at quarterback and a coach who's currently the second hottest in the country, only slightly behind the man he succeeded at Central. None of that matters. We will win for the same reason we've won 9 of our games this season: We want it more. We need it. And we are not leaving Detroit empty handed.

Sorry, Central but you can get fucked.

Score prediction:

CHIPS - 27

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fire Down Below: A Mt. Pleasant Story

Central Michigan University is located in the most ironically named city in the world. Mt. Pleasant. If you've ever been there you will know that it is neither a Mount, nor pleasant. In fact, it is shitty. They've got a cool liquor store, and a La Seniorita's, but that's about it. And while we here at RAWRCATZRAWR! would much rather spend the night in Mt. Pleasant over Kalamazoo (just so we can weigh in on that debate) the town smells like port-a-potty and we don't like it.

But, perhaps we as RAWRCATZ! are blinded to the jewels of other cities. After all, we hail from Athens. A city of light, and culture, and RAWRing. Athens is about as blissful a city as one can come across.
Look at that sky? Beautiful. Athens has it all, and by all, we mean Frank Solich. Frank makes everything wonderful. He also leads RAWRCATZ! to victory. Friday will be no different. RAWRCATZRAWR! wants to make it perfectly clear, we aren't expecting annihilation. Although after the Temple game it looks like it is possible, we are simply rooting for a thrilling football game that concludes with the RAWRCATZ! marching triumphantly across the fieldturf clothed surface of Ford Field.

This one is for Athens, it is for RAWRCATZ! and it is for the death of the Chippewa dynasty.

RAWRCATZRAWR! says let's start the Solich Dynasty, and let it reign for a thousand years.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


That's right Chips, you like you some RAWRCATZ! jizzum on your salty snacks. Extra protein.

*this and all other photoshop genius provided by loyal reader, and mighty RAWRer, RAWRjuiceboxRAWR*

If we were a Chippewa, and thank Solich we are not, we would be shivering in our timbers. Because come Friday night there will be nothing left to be chippy about. The Chips have a LeFevour, and he is mighty, but the RAWRCATZ! are the perfect prescription. (no, not cowbell).

Fire up? I think not.

Ooh - Ahh, it's great to be a Chippewa? Think again.