Monday, August 30, 2010

WOFFORD HATE WEEK: Wait... Wofford Hate Week?

Like many of you I look at Wofford on the schedule and immediately let my gaze trend southward to the next game, the bumbling Rockettes of Toledo. I mean, honestly, why do I give two poops about the mighty Terriers? We are, after all, RAWRCATZ! And no amount of terriering will ever scare a RAWRCATZ! emissary. Especially in the friendly confines of Peden Stadium. However, my humility, which my mom has told me is a great quality, tells me that we must treat all opponents equally. Never mind that I've been ramping up for Buckeye Hate Week for months, Wofford comes first on our schedule, thus is the first step towards a MAC East crown. With this in mind, I tried to dig up some dirt on Wofford College, and draw a true opinion of Wofford from there.

For one, Wofford has a history, albeit a slight one, with football. Legendary Air Force Academy coach Fisher DeBerry is an alum. He was an assistant coach at Wofford for two years, before moving on to Appalachian State and finally Air Force.

Nope, Fisher DeBerry seems like a stand-up kind of guy. No reason to hate them yet.

Also, the owner of the Carolina Panthers, Jerry Richardson, played for Wofford and in the NFL before making some sound business decisions that allowed him to bring the NFL to his home state of North Carolina.

Again, no reason for hatred. So we move on.

Wofford College is considered an arboretum with its lush and natural plant life and is a member of the American Association of Botanical Gardens and Arboreta. There is nothing that RAWRCATZ! like more than wilderness. So I've got nothing so far.

Finally RAWRCATZRAWR! looked at Wofford's US News rankings and found... well some disturbing trends.

Average in state tuition for RAWRCATZ! U? $9,537
Average tuition for Wofford? $31,710

So these smug looking, snobby, East Coast dudes think that they are going to march into the Midwest and show us how to get dirty? Let me tell you something Wofford. RAWRCATZ! invented dirty. We eat, breathe and sleep dirty. You see a RAWRCATZ! who is not dirty, that means he just took a shower because he was covered in Terrier entrails. We will see you in the hollowed halls of Athens on Saturday you uppity punks, and you can bet that Rufus and a gang of 100 snarling RAWRCATZ! will be there to kick you all the way back to where the water is salty and where "men" own "yachts." You want class strife? RAWRCATZ! can bring the strife all damn day. Peden will be covered in your blood and the wind will pick up fractured puppy limbs for months to come.

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